The Feeling Of Not Feeling Feelings Sometimes Disturbs Me

I Get What I Want, At Least I think I Do...

Well I went to the store I wanted to today,and I saw one nice dress. But I want a better one,to accommodated my big ass shoulders!

Pure B.S

Seriously my mom needs to stand up for certain things. I'm suppose to be visiting another dress shop in long island,but my step father refuses to take us. Its not like my mother can't drive,she's afraid to do it on her own. Which pisses me the FUCK OFF! This is my senior year FUCK my step father is he doesn't want to take us,do it on your own! Your becoming a dependent,if you don't know how to get there,get a GPS thing for like $100. So what if your car is messed up,I'm your daughter,do what you have to do in order to get what your daughter needs.

P.S: If I don't get the dress I want,or if anything gets delayed by him. I will never forgive you...
P.S.S: AND I'M SEROUS!

"Lets Talk About Sex"

"Lets Talk About Sex" was a show I came across last night. It explored the topic of sex,and how people from different cultures approach the "the talk" with their children. People in the U.S see it as an awkward thing, something that shouldn't be mention until after the fact. I'm going to be very honest,I'm one of those people in the U.S that finds this topic awkward. For example when I was in class,and my teacher was reading a very intimate part. It made me feel weird,and I could tell around the room it made other students weird. I mean because he's a teacher,and we knew we shouldn't know these things until we're some what of an adult. But in this case he was relax,and I remembered he said he lived in London for some time. Then it hit me,European's mentality isn't shying away from it, but facing it head on. It was also shown in the show. They visit Denmark, and the parents & teenagers there saw it as a nature thing. They know it's going to happen eventually,so they focus on the safe sex part more, and it worked! When they showed the statistics of U.S's STI rates,compare to the other counties, we were far ahead(and I mean way far ahead). They also shown the teen pregnancies, and it was the same thing, They also said a fatal mistake the U.S did, was the categories they put sex in. They put sex on the same level as drugs, and drinking. Which wouldn't work because as teenagers we say "Ohhh I wanna try that..." In stead of saying "I have time for that later,it's going to come...". We can't put sex on the same level as drugs and alcohol because it's NATURAL! I always wondered how other human beings on a remote island know what to do when wanting a child. Its a simple answer,we as human beings know that sex is a process in order to have a child,or pleasure (and by even writing this I have conflicted thoughts). We as people in the U.S have been conditioned by our culture, religion,and our surrounding to not tackle the subject sex. But we should think twice about it. I've always notice Tanisha's cousins speak freely about it time to time,and they know I'm young. But they come from Europe, and it doesn't matter. I would love to raise my child like that,but I have to rewire myself & thoughts. So now I'm trying to keep my mind open,but it's hard because of my little sister smh(I wish I was last so I wouldn't have to worry & take responsibilities).

P.S:  I don't think Ill every be able to talk to my parents about that stuff,yuck.

P.S.S: I'm serous...

Prom...

So yesterday I went to look at prom dresses,and I wanted to die. I found nothing but crappy stuff,or things that couldn't fit. I'm hoping to go by myself next time I look,and I mean by myself as in with a friend,and without my mother.All yesterday she was stressing me out,in stead of helping me find a dress.I finally went to the boutique I've been wanting to go to in a long time,and she was pressuring me to leave. I really felt like screaming at her,but I bit my tongue and started walking faster, which made me loose her for like 15 minutes(with out a phone).I found another place to go to, but I'm crossing my fingers they have my size.I also need to get off this water weight,it wont look good with the dress(plus Tanisha's stressing me out about it).I thought I wouldn't stress about prom,but I am.I wont be able to get my dress made anymore,and I hate the grandma dresses they made for plus size GIRLS!!!!! NOT GRANDMA LUCY BUT YOUNG GIRLS...FUCK! I sometimes wish I could scream this in the designers ears right before they start sketching the clothing! I also I have to find a color that would accommodate both my skin tone and hair. smh.....my sad story

P.S: My head is pounding,and I have to study for my mid-term and do my Economics HW

Love...A Fatal Sickness

This song says so much without many words. It's something all lovers should hear with open minds. It will help them understand that maybe they have changed,and on the other hand it could help people understand love all together...

So lately I didn't get far,or much on what I really wanted,such as colleges, a job, or this blog. I would like to say Congratulations to Janiri for getting accepted to BMCC! As for me,not so good. I got accepted to Kingsborough, and LaGuardia Community College, which isn't that bad, but I would have wished for something I really wanted.  Which really doesn't surprise me because I (trying not to say never) don't get what I want most of the time. I'll get stress, a load of work, and bull shit. But nothing that would make people around me say "You Lucky!". It's just my harsh reality I've grown to accept. I can say this though, my mother bought me the shoes I wanted since the first time I've seen them.

These are the Torrid Booties I posted on my blog on January 25,2011. It's amazing!

Torrid.com; $48

Well prom is next and I could already feel the pressure to get things done right. I really didn't see all this time pass me. My friend is aggravated that I don't have any idea about my dress,the color, and my hair. I understand though because when I don't get it done,she knows who I'm coming to lol!

P.S: I've been doing good with out money, I'm not going to sit here and say it's easy for me not to have it. But I don't stress it as much as I did in the past. My only issue is not having a phone. I'm tired of not having a phone and the fucked up thing about this whole situation is that it's not even my fault. My other sister knew exactly what she was doing when she begged  for my mother to put her on our line. She ran up the bill, and when my mother refuse to pay for it, she left and got her own line. Now she doesn't even talk on her phone really (and I notice because she's not having hourly conversation like she used  to in the past). I really hate greedy, and selfish people. My mom should make her pay for the minutes used.